Kids Say The Funniest Things

Do your kids say funny things? Email them to Karen


Dear NLF,
I love your magazine, especially ‘Kids say the funniest things’. So when I overheard my son Tyler having a conversation with my mother-in-law, I felt I had to share it with you. “My mum loves to sleep. I call her ‘Sleepyhead Mum’. Sometimes, if you shout, “The patio door’s on fire!” she wakes up.” What a lovely child I have!
Best wishes
Claire Jamieson, Burnley

Hi Karen,
When I recently went to parent’s evening at school, my daughter’s teacher told me that Jessica tended to day dream a lot in class. On the way home I quizzed my daughter about this. She replied “Sometimes I daydream in class and got to a place where everything is pink!” Pink happens to be my favourite colour too!
Kind regards
Katie Lentith, Barnoldswick

To all the Northern Life Family,
To all at Northern Life Family, We recently attended a wedding and while my husband was dancing I asked my son, Joseph if he thought his dad was a good dancer, he replied “Err no, dad thinks pointing at his ears is dancing!”
All the best
Mrs J Milnes, Skipton

Dear NLF,
We’ve just got a convertible a few weeks ago, so we have been driving around with the top down… a lot! My four year old son asked me a question from the back seat the other day, “Mum, why do you always have to drive around topless?”
Best wishes
Janey Jacobs, Roughlee

convertible

Dear Northern Life Magazine,
The most hilarious thing my daughter ever said was when she was two years old. Myself, being a vegan, I wasn’t crazy about the idea of her drinking cow’s milk, so I tried one day to introduce her to almond milk. I told her, “cow’s milk is for baby cows, not people, so I want you to try this almond milk and see if you like it.” My little two year old answered back, “is that what baby almonds drink?”
From Katy James, Nelson

milk

Dear Karen,
Here’s one from our six year old (going on 14 year old) daughter Jade: “Mummy, I’ve just made a decision that could be life changing. I’m going to start colouring with more with crayons than markers.” I guess if your life consists mostly of colouring , I can appreciate that.”
Kathryn Gallagher, Colne

colouring

Dear NLF,
My daughter Lily asked me the other day, “Mum can I have a baby sister?” I said “no, you already have two big sisters”. She turned to me and said “Oh well, I just thought I’d ask. You don’t get anything if you don’t ask so I thought I’d ask.” Then she just walked away, leaving me laughing.
Mrs Johnson, Brierfield

motherAndDaughter

Dear Editor,
I tried to carry too many shopping bags into my house, and one of the bags ripped just as I walked in the front door. My three year old looked at me and said, “well, that was an epic fail.”
John Scathmore, Clitheroe

childLaughing

Dear NLF,
When my daughter Erin was about Two years old, she had ‘an accident’ on the floor in her room. She asked me to come and have a look. I walked into her room and asked her what had happened. She said to me, “I don’t know, it just fell out!” Of course I had to laugh at that! Keep up the good work with the magazine.
Best wishes
Jane Hazelgrove, Skipton

girlShrug

Dear editor,
Last summer my son Benjamin aged six just wouldn’t wear shorts, despite trying to persuade him. One day when it was ideal weather for shorts and t-shirts I tried again.. his reply was so funny “Mum, I don’t want to wear shorts. I want to wear my LONG-SLEEVED PANTS!”That was a new one to me! Once again he got his own way and ended up wearing jeans!
Kind regards
Mrs. Lynne Jenkins, Barnoldswick
Dear Editor,
I’m currently seven months pregnant. I have a nine-year-old boy and a five-year-old girl. When I found out I was having a boy, I told my daughter, and she said; “Why does God keep giving me brother?”
All the best
Kate Wilson, Burnley

BrotherAndSister

Dear Editor,
The other day I was squatting in the kitchen looking at stuff on the bottom shelf, and my two-year-old yelled, “Mummy, are you making poo?” I can assure you I didn’t!
Love
Kelly Jones, Colne
Dear Northern Life Family,
The other day my son and I were visiting my mum for the afternoon when my five year old turned to my sprightly, sixty something mother and said “Grandma, do you remember the dinosaurs?” Needless to say after a brief moment of pure shock, my mum and I both rolled about laughing. She told him she wasn’t old enough to remember the dinosaurs. “Really?” He gasped. “You’re the oldest person I know.” With this new revelation, I decided it was time to head home. Just thought I would share this with your readers and hope it will make you laugh just as much as I did!
My poor mum!
Lisa Jones, Colne
Dear Editor,
A lot has changed since I was a child, the music, the fashion, even the food but still kids never fail to surprise me. While tucking into our lunches my son began to kick up a fuss. “I don’t want this sandwich! I want another one.” His elder sister, at nine years old was casually eating her tuna sandwich but she stopped and gave him a right ticking off. “Well you can’t!” She said. “I’d like a JLS sandwich but we don’t always get what we want!” To be quite honest I wouldn’t mind a JLS sandwich myself but that’s a different story…
Love
Sarah Pilling, Clitheroe

sandwich

Dear Editor,
I’d just come downstairs yesterday when I found my little one, Tom with one of my belts. He’d tied it around a pile of books and was dragging it along the floor as though taking a dog on a lead for a walk. A few weeks previously we had been round a friend’s house who’s just got a new dog and Tom was so taken with the Lab that he didn’t stop talking about having a dog for hours on end! No matter how many times I told him we weren’t getting one, he was set on the idea. Watching him pull the pile of books across the room with my belt, I felt a pang of guilt. “Is that your doggy you’re taking for a walk?” I asked, awaiting the backlash of pleading for a puppy. “No, it’s a pile of books, Daddy,” He replied. That was me told. I guess he’s over his dog obsession already.
Simon McDonald, Burnley

books

Dear Editor,
I was travelling on the train the other day when I happened to overhear a boy and his mum chatting about his young career aspirations. She asked him what he wanted to be when he grew up and he replied, “When I grow up I want to be a lifeguard…or a mouse!” I thought it was hilarious. I didn’t envy the poor kid when he realises he can never live up
to his dream of being a mouse, just as I as a child learnt that I could never be an aeroplane. It’s a tough life.
Mark Jacobs, Earby
Hi NLF,
After discovering I was pregnant, my daughter Bella told me: “I’m really excited that you’re having another baby!” Then, she paused and frowned, “Wait. That means I have to be a big sister to two kids… that’s a lot of work, Mummy.” My husband and I were laughing for hours.
A Ainsley, Barrowford

pregnantWoman

Dear Karen,
When my nephew Jacob was four or five, I asked him what he wanted to be when he grew up. He calmly looked at me and said: “I want to be the person who paints the lines on the road.” It made me laugh so hard because it was so far out there.
Love from
Leslie Jacobs, Padiham

YellowLine

Dear Northern Life Family,
On a particularly miserable and rainy day, my six-year-old son’s spirits refused to be dampened. He simply looked out of the car window, looked back to me, and said with a bright smile: “That’s okay, we need more water for the fish in the sea to drink anyway. They said so on the telly.” Good to see he’s so environmentally aware!
All the best
Jason Flannigan, Colne

carWindow

Dear editor,
My four-year-old Jack just asked why his new cousin was called Donovan. I replied, “Why, what should they have called him?” “Quack Quack or Dino Duck,” he answered.
J Anderson, Burnley

boy

Dear NLF,
My 54-year-old mother had just returned from a date with a prospective partner. The entire family was sitting around discussing the events of her evening when my youngest, Millie, piped up with, “People should use dates to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.”
Katy Longstaffe, Cliviger

grandma

Dear NLF,
We recently enjoyed a family day out and on the return journey my six-year-old son Lance had me in stitches with his question, “Mummy, why are there more idiots on the road when dad is driving?” His dad wasn’t too impressed though!All the best, we love your magazine by the way
Jackie Cornwell, Barrowford

dayOut

Dear Karen,
My three-year-old daughter Gemma was out with her grandma and the lady in front of them was taking her time writing a cheque and generally being irritating. At the top of her lungs, she sighed and said, “Grandma, this is taking forever. It takes daddy less time to have a poo and he’s in there long enough to play a game of ‘Angry Birds.’”
Best wishes
Caitlin Bracken, Trawden

toilet

Dear Karen,
One day, my husband and my daughter were play fighting in the living room and chasing each other around the settee. At four years old, she was picking up all sorts of words and she swore at her father because she couldn’t catch him. Playing, he picked her up and threw her over the settee, accidentally hurting her shoulder. We took her to A&E and after the doctor had discovered she had a dislocated shoulder, he asked her “How did you do this?” to my horror she replied “Daddy did it!” Luckily, the doctor understood it was a play fight from the look on my face and said to her “Tell Daddy not to be so rough with you next time!”
Linda Duff, Barnoldswick

doctors

Dear Northern Life Family,
I was recently in the car with my four year old cousin Rebecca. We were coming back from her first time at bowling and she had a ‘Happy Meal’ from McDonalds. Sat in the front seat, myself and my Aunty were singing “We love Beccaaaa!” and she sang back “and I looooove chips!” The chips didn’t take her bowling!
Natalie Simm, Burnley

chips

Dear editor,
When my son was younger, he refused to hold my hand in the supermarket. It all happened one day when I reached out to hold his hand. He replied “No mummy! I don’t want to hold your hand!” and from that day forward, he walked around holding his own hand in the supermarket.
Ashleigh Banks, Colne

shopping